1st Failure in Clinical School

I have just received my 1st failure in Clinical School. Or should I say my 1st and 2nd failure.. sigh.

Results of our last MCQ paper was released today. I collected it and i found out that I failed both my Obstetrics and Pediatrics MCQ paper. How was this possible? I was really sure I passed my Obstetrics and I was sure I would probably pass my Pediatrics. Even if i didn pass my pediatrics, I didn expect myself to do so badly. i got a C- for Obstetrics and a D+ for Pediatrics. (Passing mark is a C)

Sigh. This is sad. I think its because of the True-False section. It always pulls down our marks and causes us to do badly. the good news is, True-False questions will be completely replaced with One Best Answer next semester. I hope this change would include us in Semester 8 and not just the juniors in Semester 6. I really really really hope so. And I speak for most of my batch mates too. Get rid of true false questions please.

Obstetrics

Obstetric posting started out highly stressed, (augmented even more by EOS stress) highly intense and alot of pissed off moments. Nevertheless, I can confidently say that Obstetrics is one of the best and my best loved clinical posting so far. =)

A friend asked me why I like Obs. Honestly speaking, I don't know. Its just something that attracts me. Something that catched my interest. It's something that I know I should be doing. Like a calling. The same reason I'm in med school. hahaha

Perhaps this will be what I will be doing in the future after all. As MZ said, I am going to "marry" all the woman in the Obstetric Ward. hahaha

MRCOG. Keeping my fingers crossed. May this work out well.

Idiotic Days

There are days that can really make you feel like a complete brainless, idiotic retarded idiot. That would be the day you feel small and useless. You will feel like giving up. It feels like there's no hope and no point. At times you are belittled by yr own actions. But most of the time its what others do. I'm definitely having one of this moment right now.

But i cannot give up. I'm tougher than this. I'm better than this. Yet I wonder. How? How do I pull through this? I really feel like dropping everything and just give up. But I cannot do so. I cannot give up now. If I give up now, I will be screwed forever. So how does one survive? I'm about to explode. Or breakdown. Or throw a kid out the window (hypothetically not literally). I wish I knew the answer................

Do I try to read the 3000 word book, fail to complete it and fail or should I stick to my thinner books and also fail? Either way, I don't see the difference. The end result is a failure. I am so gonna fail my Paediatric Posting. Clinical and Theory. Damn.

Pediatric

Day 3 of Pediatric Posting.

Currently still in the blur and lost phase of a new posting. Children are not small adults. Thats absolutely true. Everything is new and since we have never had any paediatric topics before, this whole posting is new. I need to pick up my momentum fast. There isn't much time to waste. Five weeks passes very fast. But how do I pick up speed when I fall asleep every 3 paragraph? I don even know which books suits me. Damn.. This aint good..

Revision for Internal Medicine

Having holidays does not mean time to rest and play. Holidays are time to catch up on studies and do revision. Such is the life of a medical student. A bit sad huh.After spending the last 5 days of my holidays in relative rest, it is now time to revise for EOS. Urrggh. This proves much harder than I expected. Firstly since its holidays and more importantly, Internal Medicine simply shuts my brain off. Sigh. Maybe I do prefer Surgery over Int Med. Nevertheless, I still need to revise Int Med. But how do I make it more interesting? How do I contain the vast amount of informations in my brain? If only I could download them in like how Neo does in Matrix. Would be nice. ;)

Happy Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. To all mothers (especially mine), Happy Mother's Day. =)

Mothers are the most selfless people in the world. They can sacrifice anything for their children. Nothing is too much to ask for. They never complain, they never whine and they are always ready to give. Starting from the 9 months we were conceived in her womb till the very end of our lives, our mother will always be there for us. Perhaps we should do more for our mother's in return.

How did you celebrate your mother today? Whatever you did, I'm sure it your mother will be happy. Mother's are easily contented. All they wish is for their children to be safe, grow up and show love and care for them. It is not hard at all. The important thing is to do this everyday, 365 days a year and not just on Mother's Day.

Love your mother everyday. Do not wait till May to do so because Everyday Is Mother's Day.

Love you always mum. =)

Ortho Long Case

I can finally put my Ortho books away for awhile. Long case today turned out okay, apart from the fact that I waited 4 hours to present my case. The case assigned to me was a Femoral Neck Fracture. Mr Naik didn't ask me that many question. Perhaps because it was late or perhaps because I'm the 8th or 9th student under him. hahaha He ended the session by saying I did okay. Let's see how this would translate to in grades. =P

Reflecting back on how I used to study during year 1 as compared to how I am now, I can see a tremendous change. Perhaps if I studied as hard as I do now 3 years ago, I would have gotten better grades. Perhaps I would have a much stronger foundation than what I have now. Perhaps if I have a time machine, I would advice my younger self to avoid these mistakes (along with some others) and do much better. I guess I have grown wiser over the years. Have I? =)

Of True False and OBA

Coming to the end of my 5 week in Orthopedics, we face the inevitable. Exams! Today we sat for our Psychiatry and Orthopedic MCQ paper.

The paper consists of the usual True False, OBA and EMQ. And as usual, the dilemma throughout most of the paper was not about the right answer but rather to "answer or not to answer". Why? Negative marking of course. We don't want to loose our hard earned marks do we? haha

Orthopaedic MCQ was ok. It was do-able. Not that I'm gonna score in it, but I can safely say I passed that paper. Psychiatry on the other hand was different. Our course coordinator, Dr Rajan was right. The paper was tough. Sigh. Hopefully I have enough correct answer to pass that paper.

Tomorrow will be my long case. After that, my long awaited 1 week break. Oh, break has never felt this good. After spending 3 weeks consecutive weeks in Seremban, I really do need a break.

(Posted 1 day late due to Internet glitch)

A time of reflections

Week 4 of Orthopaedics.

I guess there are times when we need to sit in one corner, look deeply inside and reflect on ourselves. Reflect on what has been happening lately, how have things been turning out, what we have done lately. Self reflection. Indeed, i need to find my corner.

Things have not been going on well. I wonder, what have I done wrong? Perhaps I should have been studying harder. Perhaps I should have been studying "smarter". Perhaps I should have been nicer. Perhaps less critical. Perhaps I should have been less annoying. perhaps I should just SHUT MY BLARDY MOUTH! Perhaps things would have been better. Perhaps perhaps perhaps.

What is wrong with me? How did I go from someone that is likable to someone obnoxious with symptoms of Mania? I talk too much. I Bullsh*t too much. That's for sure. I don't study enough. My circle of friends is diminishing till the extend i wonder if i even have any friends. Have i been loosing friends or have everyone started becoming tired of my nonsense? Perhaps they have had enough of tolerating me. Is that it? Its depressing to see that everyone has a circle of friends. People they study with, go to wards with, do stuff with. And then i look at myself and Im a damn loner. I don have friends to study with, i study alone. I don't have anyone to go to wards with. I tag along with groups who somehow give me the feeling they just don want to chase me away because I'm from their batch.

Are people just tolerating me because they pity me? Is that it? It feels like Im being included because no one wants to be with me., Because i don't have any friends. Because im a screwed up person. What is happening? How did things turn out this way? I want to be my old self. I want to be what i was. I want to be how things were before. How did it change? I wish someone would tell me.

Am i being too harsh on myself? Am i being delusional? Am i over judging myself? Really? I hope so. I truly hope all this are just made up by my mind. But how would i know? I have had this thought before. I have asked myself this before. I have been through this. Yet i never got the answers to my questions. Could someone tell me? Please. Tell me. I need to know the truth.

Total Hip Replacement

The surgery I'm not meant to see.. Total Hip Replacement. Went into the OT today hoping to witness a Total Hip Replacement by Mr Naveed, but was chased away by OT Sister. No reason given. Just a "You can't be here". O well, OT sister, being OT sister if u know what I mean.. sigh.

Asked a senior about it, apparently its to maintain sterility. That seems to be the reason to chase us out of OT, bar us from going in as well as a darn good reason to screw us early in the morning for no apparent reason. The things we medical student go through just to learn. Perhaps its much easier to be lazy. I'm sure some people (look above) will be happy if we are lazy and just stay at hope rather than be in the OT.

I'm extremely backed up on my studies and its already the middle of week 3. Looks like I need to stay in Seremban the next 2 weekends just to catch up on my studies and to revise for EOP and MCQs... :(

Ortho Week 2

Day 2 of my 2nd week in Orthopedics posting.

There seem to be a tonne of things I need to complete. I need to study for TBL, Seminars, examination, anatomy and I cant remember the things that I have covered (which means I need to go through them again rite?). I also need to go to OT to see all the procedures, go for A&E calls to observe acute management of fractures and etc. Not to forget clerk patients!! I have not been clerking enough patients. Clerking meaning actually sitting down and taking a proper history. Damn. Im so packed I dont have time to breath.

Unfortunately, I am also starting to feel burnt out. I cannot burn out. I don have the time to burn out. I need to chill abit, but I cant afford it. If i chill, i will be lagging behind and work will pile up. Man. Why does it have to be this tough. Sigh.

Maybe its because of the hectic schedule today. Started my day with CP at 7.30am. Ankle Examination class at 10am. Lecture on amputee rehab at 2pm and then Seminar at 4pm. All back to back the whole day. After class, I had to clerk patient for tomorrow's TBL. By the time I reached the ward, even opening the case file was an uphill challenge. I feel tired, bored and abit of anhedonia (lack of interest). Depression perhaps?

I hope its just a temporary thing. An acute feeling after a hectic day. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. I hope it will be. It better be. It has to.......

Psychiatry, Orthopedics and all the books in between

This blog is really really pulseless.. hahaha i guess im not the blogger kind of person huh.

O well. I made it through Sem 6 in one piece. Passed all my exams. Barely made it, but i passed them all so that matters most. hahaha

Entering Orthopedic, I can feel the difference in me. I went through Psychiatry using the 2 thinnest books i can find. First Aid for Psychiatry Clerkship (great book btw) and Oxford Core Text.

But now that I'm in Ortho, i suddenly felt extremely hardworking and went and get myself the 800 pages Apley's System of Orthopedics. Crazy huh.. I also have 2 Examination books plus another Orthopedics Illustrated.. I must have gone mad in Psychiatry or something. Inflated self confidence that i can finish all these books perhaps? Mania? hahaha =P

I also started camping in library again after 1 semester away from the library. habits are hard to die huh. ;) Hopefully my hard work will pay off. Looking forward to Obstetrics at the end of Semester 7. Hopefully I dont get too excited and kill myself in the process.. very likely to happen hahahaha

Really? Do we?

Do we really need to extend our compulsory service to 5 or 10 years? Thats a looooooong time. We will be old uncle by that time.





http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/1/27/nation/20100127132105&sec=nation